Sorry

Hello people.

I am sorry as I never have time to get around this space as before. I have a non stop internet access at my workplace but I really got no time to spend updating my blog. Soon as my work contract finish, I went for holiday in few places. I will tell you more next year!

Yeah, 2010 is coming up in few hours time. Are you ready for it? Any new resolution? I seldom do the resolution thingy because I thought that it is such a waste of time. The most important thing is to improve our self from day to day and become a better person in order to achieve our goals in life.

Just for a start, hope you enjoy this video. I love it too much!! They are damn good.

ps: I like the middle one. ;)

Fall?

While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there..

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'

The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.'

The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. we're g oing to have to amputate your penis.'

The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'

The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,
'Ahhhh, so! Mongoian VD. vewy ware disease.'

The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupit 'merican dottah.
Always want opawate. Make mo' money dat way. No need amputate!'

Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.





'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'Wait two week.&nb sp; Faw off by itself!

Err...

Sorry for no update this week. Believe it or not I have been working in WCC for a week. One whole week. Which mean only left 3 more weeks working with them. I started working at the office around 9am which mean I will have to wake up at least at 7am for shower, getting ready and breakfast then wait for the bus at 7.50 and the bus usually came at 8.05am or so. Even though my director would want me to start at 9.30am but I could not do so as my colleague will drop me home at 5pm, free of charge. So why hassle taking the bus and go through the jams when u can arrive at home earlier and with no charge.

I am in charge to organize and run our “Be safe be smart” programme which targeting youngsters age ranging from 13 to 17 years old. It is focusing on the prevention of child sexual abuse. It is a cool programme but the hassle is you need to make phone calls and urging people for the seminar. We are doing it for the Tamil school this time so I really need to work hard on it, just for my experience and the credential. Well, it is not easy to force the teachers to come as it will be run on school holiday. So right now I am using all my charms and sweet talk skill to persuade them to be there. The whole programme will be conducted in Tamil as whether you believe it or not, most of the child sexual abuse happened among Indian kids. This is because of Indian man are mostly under the influence of booze, which eventually makes them going insane. I am not saying this because I hate Indians or I have something against them but that is the fact and the reality going on.

On the weekend on both Saturday and Sunday, I need to be available because I was assigned to be the tech guy for talk on Marriage on Sat and Parenting Skill on Sun, which was held in WOU with our invited speaker Mr. Paul Jambunathan, a clinical psychologist who has his own weekly morning radio segment on Lite FM. He is a great guy and did not complaint nor show off much despite of his position, work, credentials and achievements. His talk went well eventhough lack of participant. It is something that I could not understand you see. The speaker is a well known person, the location is easily reachable, the auditorium is fantastic and well-equipped and we are running the talks for free!

I really learned a lot and got ton of inputs during the talk and somehow it is not easy to even start a relationship, and now we are talking on how to maintain and make it works! And yes, I might not be in a serious relationship right now, but I figure that those things he said is useful for my future if I am going to have a partner for myself. The parenting thingy was good too. Maybe if I am ever going to have a kid, I would know what to do with them. =) . I was sitting on the same table with my director, Mr. Paul and some of our committee members and it is so surprise that one of them were talking about how crazy parents are now nowadays. Parents are so eager to send their kids to good school so that they could get good result, not get their kids to be trained to be a human being.

Can you imagine sending your kids to a kindergarten, which then your little one age about 5 years old need to sit for an exam for them to enroll in that particular place! And in that kinder, you kids will be teach on how to use a computer, which I do not think it is appropriate with their age as computer were not invented to be use by the young ones! One people told me that he went to a kindergarten in KK and what he sees was children are sitting for their exams and the teacher would put a partition between one another to avoid them from copying each other. Isn’t that crazy you think? I think that it is just too much. Mr. Paul said the teacher is only promoting a bad influence to the kids, which is the most crucial essence of life, NOT TO TRUST ANYBODY. I thought that it is funny at first, but it is happening these days.

I was frustrated with Maxis earlier this month. They actually overcharged my IDD calls to the UK, as I will talk with Freddie once in a while. When I called the operator earlier this month, he told me that the rate for calling to the UK is 50sen per min. I thought that it is quite cheap so we extend our conversation for about an hour. When the bill came, they charged me double the rate! I was so shocked as I am paying for my mother’s bill at the same time. So I made a complaint and they actually need to investigate the thing which took them about a week to find out what happened. It turns out that the previous guy was telling me the truth but he did not notice that the rate was the promotion for October. Whether they like it or not, then they gave a RM50 rebate for all the International calls I made. I called him again three days ago, and yesterday which sum up the total calls to be 45 minutes, and that mean I need to spare RM45 for my phone bill this month! But it is worth it.

Well, life is not easy. Have a good day.

Love.

=)

Me and Freddie =)

Currently listening to.....

Live like we're dying


Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line

You never know a good thing until it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
All these people right when we're dead wrong,
You never know a good thing till it's gone

* A new single by the winner of American Idol 8, Kris Allen. Not actually his own song, originally sang by The Script. No offense but I just like Kris's version better than the duo. =). It has the right portion of song that I prefer. Good vocal, well done music arrangement and I love the lyric the most! Congratulation to the lyricist.

Thursday

One crazy week lah. Daryl came up from Singapore for a short trip on Saturday afternoon and I picked him up from the airport by bus then took the taxi to the hotel. Then had lunch and brought him to the Hill. He was so delighted with the old tram and scenery and see the city lights up after dawn. He left on Sunday noon as his flight is at 3.05pm. Accompanied him till his boarding call. That is the most possible trip that I could do for such a short time. The reason I took him to the Hill is because there is no such hill in Sg and he did the beach in Phuket in Sept so I thought of doing something different this time.

We talked about the incident happened when I was in Sg last time and he explained about it. Not really convincing but at least he said something about it which satisfy me. Plus, I have known him for several years, before he got to Sg, or long before he even think of moving to Asia! And after I rethink about it few times, it is not worth the years we spoke to each other and the friendship value. Morrie taught me to appreciate everyone who came across your life.

The exams on Monday, Wednesday and today. I skipped the Monday paper because I am sure I cannot do it as I did not attend most of the classes eventhough the teacher did not barred me from it. Wednesday went well. It is my favourite paper afterall, Thai language level 3. I have to asked a friend who work in the chansellory office to print me a copy of the exam slip for me, 5 mins before the real exam started! Today, Health Psych is just another favourite, simply because of the teacher and the content itself. 120 questions to be answered in 3 hours and most student could finish it in an hour. My timing, 1 hour and 45 minutes, before I could not stand sitting on the chair and circling the correct answer.

My life so far has been well. WCC finally decided to hire me for a month, which mean I have to let go my KL crazy-luxurious-celebrities-all-around-life. So no more Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Hugo Boss, Burberry, Aigner sort of scene everyday. Also got a place to stay temporarily, thanks to my yoga instructor. But still, financially unstable. Do not know where I could get some money during my stay. Already asked my mom twice this month, so will think of something. My paycheck would be probably out by next month.

Fri-Die

Friday Nov 6th, 2009




8.34am Wake up call

8.36am Sleeping again

10.47am Another wake up call

10.48am Blur

11.08am Fully awake

11.43am Doing some laundry

12.14pm Hang my laundry

12.17pm Boil some water

12.18pm Fold my shirts

12.24pm Making coffee

12.25pm Nature call

12.31pm Wash my face and brush teeth

12.38pm Shower time

1.04pm Getting ready for Friday prayer

1.10pm Start walking to the masjid

1.18pm Arrived at masjid

1.25pm Friday sermont

1.50pm Finish Friday prayer

1.57pm Walking to Subaidah

2.15pm Makan lunch

2.30pm Finish makan lunch

2.37pm Walking to the library

2.45pm Entered the library

2.58pm Berebut computer and got one

3.00pm Stay online (checking mails, edit my CV, chatting with friends, etc.)

3.45pm Reserve tiket wayang



Later, going to watch movie with friends at 7.35pm. Phobia 2. Dont forget to catch them in cinemas near you!

Damn it!

Another week passes by and here I am again. I had a I-don’t-know-how-to-describe-week as I am busy in bed. Well, I am not busy doing “that” but I was really drown by excessive unconscious sleeping disorder (which all mean that I sleep a lot!). Morrie was right, when you are in bed you are dead. I could not agree more. And again, good things and bad things go crossing my life path. Good thing – Freddie is back! He went missing for almost two months and he came back from his hiding finally. He told me that he went away as he needs to take care of his ill father and the lung cancer mother.

Daryl sent me his used phone from Singapore. He already bought a new one so he gave me his old one. Thank you very much for that. My old phone is cracking and almost can be place among the disposable items. I got a job offer from WCC for this coming semester break! I am so excited but it is still pending. If I am going to work and stay here, I need to find a place which could be easily accessible by public transport and not far from the eating places. I really need to talk to the director about the offer. Plus, I always want to work here afterall. Or else, the KL job is still waiting for my respond. And I already have a place to stay there.

Bad news – my exams is coming up! God, I am so terrified by it. This is my last chance in order to step my foot on the university ground or else I will be expel forever. I tried as much as I could to get closer and in touch with my books. I have one more bad news which really struck me and it is between life and death. An online friend that I never met but chat to him occasionally told me that there is one guy I slept with is a HIV+. I almost jump off my chair but I have to agree that it is really horrifying and it bugs me every day. I could have contact the guy and ask him directly but I do not have the nerve to do so.

To ensure my health status, I went for a HIV test yesterday. I requested to undergo the ELISA test, as it is more accurate than the rapid test but the doctor refused to do so as he says that it is the government procedure to do the ELISA test if only the rapid test comes positive. As I thought it would be, my result came back negative. I was so relieved but I need to come back after three months for the next test. I really learned a very good lesson from my mistake. And I thank God for giving me the second chance. Therefore now I could concentrate on my exam. Wish me luck!

Funny One

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh. .. . ... ... .

(scroll down)

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Second joke

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955." The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

Bangkok Boy

One interesting book that I read few weeks ago. So I thought of giving it a short review of the storyline and content. * I am so happy as this is my first English book this year!

It was written by Chai Pinit. He did not actually wrote it by it was translated and transformed into book by another person his name I cannot recall. =) . Talking about the book, I can say that it is worth reading. Eventhough it is quite expensive (it costs me RM45.90, well that is the price after 10% discount (NP: RM 49.90) membership card with the book store, I still have to sacrifice my food for a week!).

The story goes around Chai Pinit, the elders from a teacher (father) and a witchdoctor (mother) * he keeps calling the occupation of his mother as a "medium" for spirits. Chai was molested by his teacher, but with his willingness for a 100 baht in each session. *Is that still considered as molest? Oh yes, especially when you are only 10 years old. But in the mean time he fell in love with this girl, cannot remember her name. But she didnt like him because he was not "man" enough.

"Man" here means he is not being macho, tough, rich or popular in school. *Oh, how poor is that mindset? I could not say much as they are living in a rural area up to the north, and the story was like in 1960's, so not much information about being stereotype and so forth. Chai will drink alcoholic drinks, smoke and fight with other boys. Being a "man" in the family is another thing. U must set to be a good example to the other siblings especially you are the elders to another 4 brothers and sister. The parents expectation is much higher and the kids are always taught to boast the family "good image and status".

He could not finish school as he was lazy and always drunk and went to Pattaya to work with his uncle but things went wrong where he met this white guy named Chris and he was his first encounter to male to male sex. He then moved to Bangkok because of better oppurtunity. He serves as a male dancer in the ago-go boy bar and club. He is very young so he turned to be very popular among the farangs (white guys).

Here comes the ununderstandable part. He works as a male dancer, to attract another male, and have sex with them (either orally or anally), but at the same time after work hours he and his other male dancers will go and find the woman prostitute. They had sex, even asked them to moved in and live with them. At some point, Chai pregnanted this woman and she gave birth to a baby boy, which then one of his customers (a male farang) bought a baby set for his newborn. I think that they considered an ago-go dancer as part of a professional job. They were ups and downs in his life which is quite complicated for me to summarize here. Also problems with his family, how his father died after he was beaten up by the other villagers due to an accident which caused his son died.

If I am going to write the review I think it would be a long one. So why not you guys just head over to MPH, Borders, Kinokuniya or Popular to get a copy of this and read it by yourself? :)

Surprise!!

Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!

Coming back

It has been a while since my recent post here. Maybe I should have write more. Well, honestly, I was seriously busy with my things and commitments over the week. Firstly, my old friend came to visit Penang so I had to accompany him. The last time I ever met him was a year ago, during his first visit here. He came again in May but I was back to my hometown for breaks and working in KL. He would send me a message everytime he arrives at this country as asked me directions, advice and informations about the place he is visiting as if I am the tourist guide. He said I could be the Minister of Tourism or The Ambassador of Malaysia. I wish that could be real. :D

I have to attend the WCC workshop called Respect held in a hotel in town. The counselors from various secondary schools within the state was invited to attend as it has the collaboration with The State Department of Education in conjunction with The Ministry of Women Development.
The workshop teaches about teenagers relationship, problems behind it and how to overcome it.
There are one video session which we play a short video of school kids falling in love, holding hands and so on. Surprisingly, some of the teachers (mostly Malay) could not agree with the scene as they said it is ridiculous and unacceptable. They even questioned why are the actors in the video is Malay. Not much to comment about that actually, I just guess that those teachers are living in the fantasy where everybody are kind, respectful, sincere and live happily ever after with each other.

I also have been reading books lately. Just started to like books. Not much a reader, but trying to be one. The first book I bought this year is Bangkok Boy at Popular Book Store. Quite a good book, very easy to understand with contemporary theme, the life of a male sex worker in Thailand. Quite an eye-opening book and I like the book a lot. Very interesting indeed. It is quite expensive, RM49.90 but I got 10% discount for it. But expensive still for a student like me. Buying the book means cut down on my food for 5 days. Maybe I should write a review about the book soon. Now I am reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. Another good book that I think everyone should read. And yes, another expensive one.

I am suppose to get to Thailand either today or tomorrow but my ex was not responding to me lately so I guess it was cancelled before I knew it. I told him the idea of coming there earlier this month and he said that he will tell me his decision in a week or two. He even insisted to pay for it, which is something that I will be more than happy for. I miss Thailand a lot but it is ok as I could get there some other time.

I had a very tiring week. My friends are all went back to KL to be with their love ones and here I am, all alone in this room, on my own.

Dia

Aku kecewa dengan dia. Aku tahu dan sedar aku bukan seorang manusia mulia di muka bumi Allah. Tapi aku mencuba untuk tidak membiarkan diri aku terus hanyut, sedikit demi sedikit. Aku cuba... selagi boleh. Aku sayangkan dia, lebih daripada apa yang dia tahu. Bertemankan dia selama ini, hidup aku senang. Aku punya teman bergembira, mengadu nasib, teman bersiar, teman melepak juga teman ketika sedih. Teman untuk berkongsi, bak kata orang. Aku tak mahu kehilangan dia. Walaupun pertemuan kami singkat, namun aku berharap kami kekal hingga ke akhir hayat.

Aku cuba memperingatinya, akan janji-janji yang ditaburkan dulu. Mana perginya janji-janji itu? Dia kata dia mahukan perubahan. Aku juga mahukan perubahan. Namun kini aku lihat dia lebih gemar bersama teman baru. "Soulmate" katanya. Teman yang punya citarasa yang sama. Kutanya, "sudah kenal isi kulitnya kah?". Dia bilang, "soulmate tidak semestinya sudah kenal lama". Aku diam. Aku akur. Bersama teman baru, ku lihat dia berubah menjadi 'baru'. Aku mengerti, manusia berubah mengikut peredaran masa tapi bukan ini perubahan yang aku mahu lihat pada dia. Dulu dia tidak seperti ini. Kami punya banyak kenangan bersama. Suasana apabila bersama juga sudah tidak sama seperti dulu lagi. Entah, aku sendiri sukar untuk huraikan di sini. Hanya hati aku saja yang tahu.

Bila aku cuba bersuara, dia bilang aku juga sama seperti dia. Maksudnya, aku juga melakukan satu dosa tetapi mahu cuba membetulkan orang lain. Ketam cuba mengajar anaknya berjalan, tetapi dia sendiri berjalan serong, itu bak kata pepatah Melayu. Aku tahu itu dan aku akuinya dengan hati yang terbuka. Namun sudah aku katakan dari awal lagi, aku memang bukan manusia mulia. Aku fikir dia juga tahu akan hal ini. Makanya, segala yang aku sudah pesan pada dia hanya sekadar angin kosong di cupingnya. "Perlukan masa untuk difikiri", kata dia lagi.

Tak mengapa, bak kata dia, kita adalah khalifah Allah di muka bumi Nya di mana tugas kita adalah untuk memperingati satu sama lain. Ya, aku sudah cuba sebaiknya untuk melaksanakan itu. Tetapi, bagaimana pula dengan khalifah lain yang cuba merosakkan seorang khalifah yang lain? Mungkin dia boleh membantu aku untuk mengerti akan hal ini.

Aku kira kini dia lebih gembira bersama teman baru. Tak mengapa. Aku masih di sini setia menunggu dia. Aku suka dia, aku sayang dia, aku cinta dia. Dan aku harap dia mengerti itu. Atau mungkin aku hanya mampu melihat dia pergi....

New Experience

I had a very interesting days. Now I have a part-time job- with no salary. Last Wednesday, I followed Zara to a NGO office called WCC to help them up. The location is fine and the building is actually a double storey house which was turned into a office. A beautiful building indeed.

My job is making phone calls as follow up of the schools attendance to our workshop in next two weeks, doing some filings, sorting our letters and faxes and the thing that I like the most is the translating part. (Oh no, I think the part where they bought me lunch and drive me back for two days is the best part lah). The other staffs @ my colleagues were all aged ranging from 30 to 50 years old woman!!

One of the experiences that I found it to be funny is when I was being harass (in a good way) by one of the school's clerk that I called. I asked her to connect me to the school principal but I was informed that he is away. Surprisingly, the lady (I think she just finish her school) whom pick my call said that she likes my voice as she thought my voice is sweet. She tried to ask for my phone number but I am able to switch the conversation to something else. This is my first experience to flirt on the phone especially with the school clerk! I simply laugh to myself everytime the incident came over my head.

Actually they already translated some of the brochures into Bahasa but they did not like the final product as they thought that it is too long and flowery. So I had my hands on it and boom! The director likes it! The next day (Thursday), I came again to the office and resuming part of my previous day work. The director came to my desk and gave me another total of 26 pages of a yet-to-be publish writing which they need it by next Monday!

I understand that it is not easy for someone to entrust another person who has only showed up for two days especially the person is a lazy student =) . Plus I am much younger than the rest of the people in the office but still they trust me. Anyhow, I really enjoyed my current activity for now and surely will not hesitate to lend my hand again in the future.

Left Right

Another day passed by. I still wondering around to find myself. I guess I left it somewhere. I went to a workshop organized by the Amnesty International Malaysia near my place last Saturday. The workshop was great. I really enjoyed it and gained so many new experience, knowledge and friends. It teaches about our basic human rights and how we could fight for it. We should also respect other people right and do not use our right exceeding others.

But what I would like to emphasize from the workship is that they are too much condemning the government. Well, I am not much into politics as well but in whatever reason they keep saying that the government is corrupted and so forth. They blame that the government system that caused so many problems among the people in this country. They also questioned the rules and law being implemented to the citizens and they thought it as "nonsense".

First of all, why do we keep blaming the system? Why do we need a system? We are not a computer or a robot which need a system in order to make sure that they could move and respond. Racism is being highlighted and again, the govt is the one to be blame. No way! I came from a multicultural family background. My mother is a Chinese Muslim and my father is a Malay. I did not face any difficulty during my childhood due to different culture in my life. Instead I found it very interesting as I could celebrate so many festivals and a better understanding among two culture.

Then, the issue of "Hak Ketuanan Melayu" or the "Malay Ownership of Land" is brought up by one of the participants. He said that in this era, the title is no longer applicable as Malaysia has grown up to be a multiraces and multicultural nation. I totally disagree with this as according to history, Chinese and Indians was brought in by the British, not by demands from the Malays. Therefore, whether you like it or not, you want it or not, Malaya/Malaysia is still the land belong to the Malays. So if they want to rebel or ask for compensation for their ancestors who were brought in here, please go to the British Embassy and ask from them.

Next, the issue of why Malaysian is being prohibited of going to Israel. It was even stated in the passport that we cannot go to Israel. They questioned that if Muslims are not allowed to go there because of different religion belief, then it is fine. But how about those non-Muslims? Is is fair to them as just because of the majority are not allowed, so they rest of the people should follow? My answer to them is, when Malaysia is seeking independence from the British, it is stated clearly in the constitution that the official religon of Malaysia is Islam. Plus, Israel is not even being recognized by the American as a country. It is too long for me to eloborate here how Israel got the land for their people which will involves the Americans, British, Germany, Palestine and all. I said that if you do not want the citizenship of Malaysia, you can always get a different nationality which can allow you to go and have your good time in Israel.

Yes, I learn a lot from the workshop. There are things that I can use it in the future and some of it are better left behind. Thank you very much to the other participants and the rest of the facilitators. I really apprciate the knowledge shared throughout this period of time. If I am being ask if I want to join this again in the future, my answer would be... Why not?

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

This is the song I have been listening to lately. It was released few years back and somehow I found it on my iPod. Love the lyric very much. It reminds me to Freddie. Where are you now dear? The last sms I got from him was earlier in September. And till today, no respond. Recently I tried to send sms to his cellphone but the report says that "not sent". He did this before, went missing for few weeks but somehow he will show up. Well, if you are reading this, please get back to me. I miss you baby...

Freaky Friday

Today is Friday. The first day of the week according to Islamic Calendar system. After a month of skipping classes, finally I got back on track. And you know what, there are bunch of things that I need to learn over the weekend as the 2nd test is coming up next Tuesday! Crazy lah but I think I can do it. I was so lucky to have such a wonderful-understanding-mother-like lecturer. I went to see her yesterday and gosh, I almost cry by just sitting in front of her. She is like a mother to me. And she takes measure on my study and how I can catch up with the rest of the class and the remaining lesson. I wish all lecturers in my Uni could be like her. But sadly, I dont think that there will be anyone be at least 20% equivalent to her. Zillion thanks to you a:ca:an!

Anyhow, here I am, sitting in front of the computer writing up on my page. Just got back from the Friday prayer, sent a message to my friend in The Netherlands and he responded. I think I need a change. Not a tremendous change but at least a good one. I really need to put more effort on my study, but firstly I do need to improve my daily prayer. I am feeling better today, been sick for few days, since I got back to my Uni. I did not went to meet a doctor but instead I undergo the so called Natural Healing. It works though. The key is to stay focus and always centre your brain to the healing process. I read it somewhere in my psychology book.

I could not sleep last nite as a friend of mine went missing for almost 12 hours! I texted another friend to check her up in her room but she is not there. Sent few messages and no reply. Called up several time but she did not pick up the phone. Later around 4.30am she called me and tell that she is a friend's place. I was like, what? Anyway, I am glad that she is fine. Just that she has been a very good friend to me and I do not want to lose her.

So my schedule over the weekend, Human Right Seminar on Saturday, 8.30am till 5pm. Oopss.. Japanese class from 9.30am till 11am. Then study my Thai a little bit. Sunday, might be off for hiking in the morning. I need a tan! Oh yeah, Thai typing assignments! I am dead!

Pintu Rindu

Telah ku daki puncak tertinggi

Telah ku turun lembah dan gurun

Tidak ku temu mana pintu Mu

Untuk ku seru rasa rindu ku

Telah ku daki puncak tertinggi

Telah ku turun lembah dan gurun

Sungguhku buta dalam cahaya

Sungguhku lupa tika bahagia

Sedang Kau dekat bukan di mata

Sentuh Mu erat di pinggir jiwa

Sedang Kau dekat di pinggir jiwa

Biarkan air mata melimpah

Biarkan luluh cinta tercurah

Segala kasih rindu tertumpah

Seluruh hati aku berserah

Ku tunggu waktu bila bertemu

Hidup matiku hanya untuk Mu

This is the lyric of Dato’ Siti Nurhaliza latest song called Pintu Rindu from her new spiritual album, Tahajjud Cinta. Well, of course I am a big fan of her but this song is really touches my heart to the deepest. The words are simple but yet very much meaningful. It tells that no matter how far we go, or how well we did, always remember that Allah is very close in our heart. Therefore, kita harus selalu memuji, berzikir, beribadat pada Nya demi untuk mendapat keredhaan daripada Nya. (I do not know how to translate this sentence to English, sorry)

Why?

Last week I went to a neighboring country to visit a friend of mine and at the same time to visit the museums. Plus I also want to feel the atmosphere how it is like to celebrate Aidilfitri there. So I took a bus from my hometown to Johor Bahru then transferred to the SBS Transit bus going across the bridge.

The thing I want to talk about here is not about the country, the efficient public transport, the cleanliness and so on because I have been there before but this is regarding my friend. Well, I have known him for several years actually. He is an American and we actually were in touch via a website. I was not hoping that I would meet him as he was living so far away on that particular time and we stayed as online friend.

Fate has brought us together when he moved to Asia last year and we met in person earlier this year. It was fun and pleasant to finally meet with the person you only spoke to on the net. So this second meeting is actually my last minute plan as I have quite a long holiday for Aidilfitri. And I was amazed how fast people can change!

By the way to cut the story short, I stayed with him for a few days. He told me he has to work from 10am till 6pm. I think that is fine with me as I already know my way around. So during the second day of my stay, he asked to have dinner with him in town, with another friend of him, from Burma. I was in town on that time so I just waited for him and his friend at the station.

They want to eat Burmese food so I just followed. When I got the menu, I saw there are too many foods with pork in it. Therefore I decided not to eat and gave him the excuse that I am full. He insisted me to eat then I told him that I could not eat as there is too much pork in it! He looked at me, and say, “Why are you being so difficult?”.

To cut the story short, the next day before he went to work, he told me that he wants to have dinner with me near his school. He teaches tuition at 8pm till 9 something and later on he has the appointment with his Burmese friend to watch a movie. Surprisingly, his friend needs to stay over at his place for the night! As he said, that is his weekly routine. I cannot imagine three guys sleeping together on the same bed. I was like, WTF!

I told his housemate regarding this and he was so shock to know about it. I decided to go home on the same day. I was so much frustrated. First of all, I came all the way down, with my own money just to visit him. Secondly, they want to watch movie, so why can he invite me as well. Thirdly, I can only go there once in a while, and he could see his Burmese guy anytime he likes as they are staying in the same country! Lastly, he is being insensitive about the Muslim food preference. Well, it is not that I am very strict about “haram” thing but this is just way too much for me.

Later, I went to his school and just passed to him his house keys, without having any dinner at all, and I left as soon he got the keys. Honestly, he was not like that when I met him for the first time. And I wonder why he changed.

New Arrival

Hi people.

It has been a while since I wrote here last time. It is a very long time actually. Just that I have been very super duper busy with my things. Getting back to school, working and all. And also, I have a new hobby now, sorting out my sister's problems. Yeah, she is such a problematic person I ever met in my life so far. I showed her so many ways and solutions so that she can escaped from the bloody bullshit man but she still insists to stay. What the heck.

Raya is getting closer. I actually love Ramadhan than Syawal. I dont know why but I just do. For Hari raya this year I decided not to wear the old fashioned-traditional-same-old-boring baju Melayu, but this time around I go multicultural. We are 1Malaysia now afterall. :P

Right now I am sitting in the library just checking my mail and stuffs. I am supposed to attend two classes today but I dont know why, my mood and spirit just fade away, Yesterday one of my favourite lecturer sent me a sms asking me if I am aok and express how much she wish to see me in the class. But I am just me, my heart tell me to go but my feet refuse. And the consequences is, I sms my lecturer and asked if I could see her personally today in the office but until the time I wrote down this blog, there is no response from her. By the way, I sms her at 3pm today.

So tomorrow I am heading home. Cant wait to meet my mom and have my hands on the cookies. My sisters always wait for me to do all the cookies-things. Maybe when I got back home I could write some more.

W@iT

Sorry for being idle for a quite some time. Been busy with stuffs. :D . I have few new interesting posts coming up by this week. Make sure you have your eyes on my site.
Have a pleasant day.

Fear

My ex told me last time that when you are successful, people will never question about it. In fact, you will be highlighted for it. When I first read it, I was thinking, this could be right.

Well, somehow I think it is true. Just take a look at Clay Aiken. (You are a good guy Clay and I adore you for that). He sold million copies of record, one of the successful Idols finalist, performed in numerous events and concerts and the best thing is, he is not afraid to show the world who he really are. I wish I could be like him.

But what about me? As an Asian kid, plus living in an Islamic country, there are obstacles, boundries, rules and regulations and not to forget the tradition that I must obey. Family always comes first. Clay Aiken did not live where I live, or even he never been here I suppose, so obviously there is different backgrounds than I am.

My family is my priority and they think differently. They do not understand how and what I feel. There are times that I imagine what will happen if they ever knew that I am gay? How would they react? Will they still love me? Will they accept me the way I am? I am clueless. There are possiblities that they will neglect me and even worse if my mom do not want to admit me I am her son! The only son. Wow, I hope that I did not have that happened to me. It would be disastrous.

Actually I have a goal. In two years time (maximum), I am going to finish my study and get my degree and soon after that, start working. Then gather as much money as I could. Someday, I will confront my family and tell them honestly, who am I really are, when the right time comes.

Respect

All right. People always confuse of the difference between gay and transexual. Well, lets talk about the similarities of these two groups. First of all, we are all man and secondly, we are attracted to men too. But different wise, we are obviously different. Gay is a man who are attracted to another man but still maintaining the physical appearance and behaviour like any other men we seen on TV or in the streets.

While on the other hand, transexual is another story. Physically, they preferred to think that they are a woman hence they tried to change their appearance to look like a real woman. Some of them go beyond the limit by actually "removed" the unwanted-not-so-girl-part from their body.For instance, Isis, the contestant from the America's Next Top Model cycle 11. She undergo hormone therapy in order to change her body system from a man to a woman. That is little scary hah? Personally, it is scary enough for me. :D

Both parties are different to the other but somehow we always back each other up, or the easy gay slang, we are "sisters". We could be best friends too. But, there are certain gay guys who does not want to be with the transgender even for a friend. Honestly, I have friends from the transgendered and they are doing very well in studies, co-curriculars and job wise. In fact, there are quite a few transgenders who were successful in their career, for example in Malaysia, Nurul Shukor the professional make-up artiste.

I do not agree with the attitude of those gay guys because the bottom line is, we are all human. And it is very important for people to respect others and also to gain respects no matter you are gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered etc.

"when a man put on a dress and get his sexual kick, he is a transvestite. when a woman trap in a man's body and undergo for a little operation, he is a transexual. when a gay man has too much fashion sense for one gender, he is a drag queen"

*the lines from the movie, "Too Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar"

Normal

I am a normal person. You what?? Yes. I keep hearing it on TV saying that they are a normal person. But hey, what "normal" really means? From my perspective, normal is something related on how you feel, act, speak, walk, eat etc which you feel the most comfortable way it is. It comes from you, within you without any command from the outsiders or someone else on how you should be. I truly believe that is a real NORMAL should be.

In medical field, normality is very important in order to compare and relate the body system or health condition to the rest of the people to make sure that anatomically you are a healthy individual. Well, that is something I could live with. But nowadays, where world is actually a rat race, especially at the place I live. "normal" is always a trend or an indicator for people to differentiate and to those who are not fit to the criteria of "normal" they created, you will be expel, push aside and ignored.

It is not fair, isn't it? You do not wish from God that you want to be in certain way you wanted as the matter of fact that we are born the way we are!!
Well, what I am trying to convey is, for instance, if there are 10 boys in a class, 9 out of 10 have the hobby of playing football and the one left do not have any interest at all, then he will be labelled as "abnormal", am I right? But in the end, what can I do about it? it is the community requirement that as a man, you should play football.

That is how I was in school 12 years back. The surrounding people is being cruel and discriminate to understand others. Who knows that one day the so called "abnormal" boy would end up as a doctor who try to save lives, or a policemen to make sure the community is safe and protected or might be a teacher in school teaching the young generation.

So think about it. Is the people around is being fair enough to you?

AIM 2009

Well, I just watched the Anugerah Industri Muzik (AIM) 16 on TV. What can I say about it just ..WOW. There are like tons of awards to be given to the singers, producers and composers. Not quite a surprising when the announced, again, for the tenth times, Dato' Siti Nurhaliza bag her awards for Best Female Vocal Performance in a Song. Maybe she can be nominated in the Guinness Book World of Record for winning the awards for so many times. I think personally she deserves it. And not to mention her victory on Best Pop Ethnic Album and Album of The Year award. The winning involves her effort on producing an ethnic genre album, while in the meantime most singers would rather produce a pop song. Yeah, Misha's album won the Best Pop Album and her song Nafas Cahaya is the Song of The Year. Aizat claims her Best Male Vocal Performance this year.

This year AIM has changed their format by allowing singers with singles to participate and being judged based on their song. AIM also tried to establish their prestige by adding several new awards such as Best Indian Album & Song and Best Chinese Album & Songs to their list. On the same time it symbolised our unique multiracial culture and how unite we are.

It is a wonderful show overall. Could not forget when Nikki did her whistle on Terasing. And yes, the brilliant duet between Faizal Tahir and Rossa. Anyhow, to all winners, congratulations. Let see next year how the music industry would turn up to be. Cheers!

Testerone!!!

Oh my God! What am I doing? I am actually writing up on how I feel and what I feel on the internet. I simply think this is crazy as writing was not my strongest interest nor talent in school. Ask my teacher. he he he. I just realised that how writing could be something very indulging for myself. it is more like a therapy.

English writing grammar was my worst nightmare but I think I enjoyed writing now. It is so relieving when you could translate and interprete your feelings into words. And being a writer is not even my ambition list before.

I think I am having a psychological problem but wait, I suppose everyone on earth have one, didnt they? It just the matter of fact whether they are willing to admit it to theirself or not. But the truth is, I am truly facing this sexual-obsessive thingy disorder going on with me right now. FYI, I tend to masturbate (sorry guys, this is just my opinion) more often recently. It is not that I am a sex maniac or something. I am also not sure of myself actually going on with me but I suppose that it is not good for me especially my reproductive organ (you know what I mean).

I did it like, at least 3 times a day or maybe more. I really do not understand the process or mechanisms behind it. Is it a hormonal change or it is the weather to be blame for. (well, I am sure the weather is not a real excuse for this). Or it is just me, sexually active at this stage of my age and losing control easily. Hummm... it might be about desperately longing for a boyfriend and it stimulates my testerone to produce more sperms which eventually kicks the adrenaline gave me the excitement to shoot it out.

To be honest, I really need to shoot but to afraid of the consequences. I wish I could do something about it, or at least reduce it. But then I do not have any idea what is going on. If I do not do it, then I cannot sleep. If I did not get enough sleep, something massive and terrible will start to appear on my face. I have been through that and I would never want to be in that situation anymore.

Any suggestion?

Today

Somehow I wonder where my life will leads me to. I have no idea what I could be and what I will be. I am just confused most of the time, plus did not know what is the action to be taken on certain time. I am so tired of waiting for something I am not sure what is. My life is a total mess currently.

At one point I felt like giving up life but later I realised that there are people who cares so much about me. Being born as the only man in the family is not a good sign. It feels like a burden to your shoulder and sometimes you just cannot take it anymore. I cannot live the life I always wanted and also enjoy the other peers enjoyed. Hopefully, tomorrow would get better than today.

A warm hello from me

Hello to people out there!!

I am here to write about my experience of my life living hideously as a Gay Muslim in a Islamic country. It is never my intention to make a bad remark about my country (in fact I love it with all my heart, and there will be no political review on the issue). I just want to share my experiences and what I had gone through so far until today.

I am a newbie to blogging and I believe that there are plenty other bloggers who shares their life experience on this site and I am here to express my feelings and thoughts and share it with the rest of the world. =)

Hope all the readers will enjoy and feel free to leave any comment on my writing.

Thank you.