Bangkok Boy

One interesting book that I read few weeks ago. So I thought of giving it a short review of the storyline and content. * I am so happy as this is my first English book this year!

It was written by Chai Pinit. He did not actually wrote it by it was translated and transformed into book by another person his name I cannot recall. =) . Talking about the book, I can say that it is worth reading. Eventhough it is quite expensive (it costs me RM45.90, well that is the price after 10% discount (NP: RM 49.90) membership card with the book store, I still have to sacrifice my food for a week!).

The story goes around Chai Pinit, the elders from a teacher (father) and a witchdoctor (mother) * he keeps calling the occupation of his mother as a "medium" for spirits. Chai was molested by his teacher, but with his willingness for a 100 baht in each session. *Is that still considered as molest? Oh yes, especially when you are only 10 years old. But in the mean time he fell in love with this girl, cannot remember her name. But she didnt like him because he was not "man" enough.

"Man" here means he is not being macho, tough, rich or popular in school. *Oh, how poor is that mindset? I could not say much as they are living in a rural area up to the north, and the story was like in 1960's, so not much information about being stereotype and so forth. Chai will drink alcoholic drinks, smoke and fight with other boys. Being a "man" in the family is another thing. U must set to be a good example to the other siblings especially you are the elders to another 4 brothers and sister. The parents expectation is much higher and the kids are always taught to boast the family "good image and status".

He could not finish school as he was lazy and always drunk and went to Pattaya to work with his uncle but things went wrong where he met this white guy named Chris and he was his first encounter to male to male sex. He then moved to Bangkok because of better oppurtunity. He serves as a male dancer in the ago-go boy bar and club. He is very young so he turned to be very popular among the farangs (white guys).

Here comes the ununderstandable part. He works as a male dancer, to attract another male, and have sex with them (either orally or anally), but at the same time after work hours he and his other male dancers will go and find the woman prostitute. They had sex, even asked them to moved in and live with them. At some point, Chai pregnanted this woman and she gave birth to a baby boy, which then one of his customers (a male farang) bought a baby set for his newborn. I think that they considered an ago-go dancer as part of a professional job. They were ups and downs in his life which is quite complicated for me to summarize here. Also problems with his family, how his father died after he was beaten up by the other villagers due to an accident which caused his son died.

If I am going to write the review I think it would be a long one. So why not you guys just head over to MPH, Borders, Kinokuniya or Popular to get a copy of this and read it by yourself? :)

Surprise!!

Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!
Ye ye!!! Laki mak dah balik!!!

Coming back

It has been a while since my recent post here. Maybe I should have write more. Well, honestly, I was seriously busy with my things and commitments over the week. Firstly, my old friend came to visit Penang so I had to accompany him. The last time I ever met him was a year ago, during his first visit here. He came again in May but I was back to my hometown for breaks and working in KL. He would send me a message everytime he arrives at this country as asked me directions, advice and informations about the place he is visiting as if I am the tourist guide. He said I could be the Minister of Tourism or The Ambassador of Malaysia. I wish that could be real. :D

I have to attend the WCC workshop called Respect held in a hotel in town. The counselors from various secondary schools within the state was invited to attend as it has the collaboration with The State Department of Education in conjunction with The Ministry of Women Development.
The workshop teaches about teenagers relationship, problems behind it and how to overcome it.
There are one video session which we play a short video of school kids falling in love, holding hands and so on. Surprisingly, some of the teachers (mostly Malay) could not agree with the scene as they said it is ridiculous and unacceptable. They even questioned why are the actors in the video is Malay. Not much to comment about that actually, I just guess that those teachers are living in the fantasy where everybody are kind, respectful, sincere and live happily ever after with each other.

I also have been reading books lately. Just started to like books. Not much a reader, but trying to be one. The first book I bought this year is Bangkok Boy at Popular Book Store. Quite a good book, very easy to understand with contemporary theme, the life of a male sex worker in Thailand. Quite an eye-opening book and I like the book a lot. Very interesting indeed. It is quite expensive, RM49.90 but I got 10% discount for it. But expensive still for a student like me. Buying the book means cut down on my food for 5 days. Maybe I should write a review about the book soon. Now I am reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. Another good book that I think everyone should read. And yes, another expensive one.

I am suppose to get to Thailand either today or tomorrow but my ex was not responding to me lately so I guess it was cancelled before I knew it. I told him the idea of coming there earlier this month and he said that he will tell me his decision in a week or two. He even insisted to pay for it, which is something that I will be more than happy for. I miss Thailand a lot but it is ok as I could get there some other time.

I had a very tiring week. My friends are all went back to KL to be with their love ones and here I am, all alone in this room, on my own.

Dia

Aku kecewa dengan dia. Aku tahu dan sedar aku bukan seorang manusia mulia di muka bumi Allah. Tapi aku mencuba untuk tidak membiarkan diri aku terus hanyut, sedikit demi sedikit. Aku cuba... selagi boleh. Aku sayangkan dia, lebih daripada apa yang dia tahu. Bertemankan dia selama ini, hidup aku senang. Aku punya teman bergembira, mengadu nasib, teman bersiar, teman melepak juga teman ketika sedih. Teman untuk berkongsi, bak kata orang. Aku tak mahu kehilangan dia. Walaupun pertemuan kami singkat, namun aku berharap kami kekal hingga ke akhir hayat.

Aku cuba memperingatinya, akan janji-janji yang ditaburkan dulu. Mana perginya janji-janji itu? Dia kata dia mahukan perubahan. Aku juga mahukan perubahan. Namun kini aku lihat dia lebih gemar bersama teman baru. "Soulmate" katanya. Teman yang punya citarasa yang sama. Kutanya, "sudah kenal isi kulitnya kah?". Dia bilang, "soulmate tidak semestinya sudah kenal lama". Aku diam. Aku akur. Bersama teman baru, ku lihat dia berubah menjadi 'baru'. Aku mengerti, manusia berubah mengikut peredaran masa tapi bukan ini perubahan yang aku mahu lihat pada dia. Dulu dia tidak seperti ini. Kami punya banyak kenangan bersama. Suasana apabila bersama juga sudah tidak sama seperti dulu lagi. Entah, aku sendiri sukar untuk huraikan di sini. Hanya hati aku saja yang tahu.

Bila aku cuba bersuara, dia bilang aku juga sama seperti dia. Maksudnya, aku juga melakukan satu dosa tetapi mahu cuba membetulkan orang lain. Ketam cuba mengajar anaknya berjalan, tetapi dia sendiri berjalan serong, itu bak kata pepatah Melayu. Aku tahu itu dan aku akuinya dengan hati yang terbuka. Namun sudah aku katakan dari awal lagi, aku memang bukan manusia mulia. Aku fikir dia juga tahu akan hal ini. Makanya, segala yang aku sudah pesan pada dia hanya sekadar angin kosong di cupingnya. "Perlukan masa untuk difikiri", kata dia lagi.

Tak mengapa, bak kata dia, kita adalah khalifah Allah di muka bumi Nya di mana tugas kita adalah untuk memperingati satu sama lain. Ya, aku sudah cuba sebaiknya untuk melaksanakan itu. Tetapi, bagaimana pula dengan khalifah lain yang cuba merosakkan seorang khalifah yang lain? Mungkin dia boleh membantu aku untuk mengerti akan hal ini.

Aku kira kini dia lebih gembira bersama teman baru. Tak mengapa. Aku masih di sini setia menunggu dia. Aku suka dia, aku sayang dia, aku cinta dia. Dan aku harap dia mengerti itu. Atau mungkin aku hanya mampu melihat dia pergi....

New Experience

I had a very interesting days. Now I have a part-time job- with no salary. Last Wednesday, I followed Zara to a NGO office called WCC to help them up. The location is fine and the building is actually a double storey house which was turned into a office. A beautiful building indeed.

My job is making phone calls as follow up of the schools attendance to our workshop in next two weeks, doing some filings, sorting our letters and faxes and the thing that I like the most is the translating part. (Oh no, I think the part where they bought me lunch and drive me back for two days is the best part lah). The other staffs @ my colleagues were all aged ranging from 30 to 50 years old woman!!

One of the experiences that I found it to be funny is when I was being harass (in a good way) by one of the school's clerk that I called. I asked her to connect me to the school principal but I was informed that he is away. Surprisingly, the lady (I think she just finish her school) whom pick my call said that she likes my voice as she thought my voice is sweet. She tried to ask for my phone number but I am able to switch the conversation to something else. This is my first experience to flirt on the phone especially with the school clerk! I simply laugh to myself everytime the incident came over my head.

Actually they already translated some of the brochures into Bahasa but they did not like the final product as they thought that it is too long and flowery. So I had my hands on it and boom! The director likes it! The next day (Thursday), I came again to the office and resuming part of my previous day work. The director came to my desk and gave me another total of 26 pages of a yet-to-be publish writing which they need it by next Monday!

I understand that it is not easy for someone to entrust another person who has only showed up for two days especially the person is a lazy student =) . Plus I am much younger than the rest of the people in the office but still they trust me. Anyhow, I really enjoyed my current activity for now and surely will not hesitate to lend my hand again in the future.

Left Right

Another day passed by. I still wondering around to find myself. I guess I left it somewhere. I went to a workshop organized by the Amnesty International Malaysia near my place last Saturday. The workshop was great. I really enjoyed it and gained so many new experience, knowledge and friends. It teaches about our basic human rights and how we could fight for it. We should also respect other people right and do not use our right exceeding others.

But what I would like to emphasize from the workship is that they are too much condemning the government. Well, I am not much into politics as well but in whatever reason they keep saying that the government is corrupted and so forth. They blame that the government system that caused so many problems among the people in this country. They also questioned the rules and law being implemented to the citizens and they thought it as "nonsense".

First of all, why do we keep blaming the system? Why do we need a system? We are not a computer or a robot which need a system in order to make sure that they could move and respond. Racism is being highlighted and again, the govt is the one to be blame. No way! I came from a multicultural family background. My mother is a Chinese Muslim and my father is a Malay. I did not face any difficulty during my childhood due to different culture in my life. Instead I found it very interesting as I could celebrate so many festivals and a better understanding among two culture.

Then, the issue of "Hak Ketuanan Melayu" or the "Malay Ownership of Land" is brought up by one of the participants. He said that in this era, the title is no longer applicable as Malaysia has grown up to be a multiraces and multicultural nation. I totally disagree with this as according to history, Chinese and Indians was brought in by the British, not by demands from the Malays. Therefore, whether you like it or not, you want it or not, Malaya/Malaysia is still the land belong to the Malays. So if they want to rebel or ask for compensation for their ancestors who were brought in here, please go to the British Embassy and ask from them.

Next, the issue of why Malaysian is being prohibited of going to Israel. It was even stated in the passport that we cannot go to Israel. They questioned that if Muslims are not allowed to go there because of different religion belief, then it is fine. But how about those non-Muslims? Is is fair to them as just because of the majority are not allowed, so they rest of the people should follow? My answer to them is, when Malaysia is seeking independence from the British, it is stated clearly in the constitution that the official religon of Malaysia is Islam. Plus, Israel is not even being recognized by the American as a country. It is too long for me to eloborate here how Israel got the land for their people which will involves the Americans, British, Germany, Palestine and all. I said that if you do not want the citizenship of Malaysia, you can always get a different nationality which can allow you to go and have your good time in Israel.

Yes, I learn a lot from the workshop. There are things that I can use it in the future and some of it are better left behind. Thank you very much to the other participants and the rest of the facilitators. I really apprciate the knowledge shared throughout this period of time. If I am being ask if I want to join this again in the future, my answer would be... Why not?

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

This is the song I have been listening to lately. It was released few years back and somehow I found it on my iPod. Love the lyric very much. It reminds me to Freddie. Where are you now dear? The last sms I got from him was earlier in September. And till today, no respond. Recently I tried to send sms to his cellphone but the report says that "not sent". He did this before, went missing for few weeks but somehow he will show up. Well, if you are reading this, please get back to me. I miss you baby...

Freaky Friday

Today is Friday. The first day of the week according to Islamic Calendar system. After a month of skipping classes, finally I got back on track. And you know what, there are bunch of things that I need to learn over the weekend as the 2nd test is coming up next Tuesday! Crazy lah but I think I can do it. I was so lucky to have such a wonderful-understanding-mother-like lecturer. I went to see her yesterday and gosh, I almost cry by just sitting in front of her. She is like a mother to me. And she takes measure on my study and how I can catch up with the rest of the class and the remaining lesson. I wish all lecturers in my Uni could be like her. But sadly, I dont think that there will be anyone be at least 20% equivalent to her. Zillion thanks to you a:ca:an!

Anyhow, here I am, sitting in front of the computer writing up on my page. Just got back from the Friday prayer, sent a message to my friend in The Netherlands and he responded. I think I need a change. Not a tremendous change but at least a good one. I really need to put more effort on my study, but firstly I do need to improve my daily prayer. I am feeling better today, been sick for few days, since I got back to my Uni. I did not went to meet a doctor but instead I undergo the so called Natural Healing. It works though. The key is to stay focus and always centre your brain to the healing process. I read it somewhere in my psychology book.

I could not sleep last nite as a friend of mine went missing for almost 12 hours! I texted another friend to check her up in her room but she is not there. Sent few messages and no reply. Called up several time but she did not pick up the phone. Later around 4.30am she called me and tell that she is a friend's place. I was like, what? Anyway, I am glad that she is fine. Just that she has been a very good friend to me and I do not want to lose her.

So my schedule over the weekend, Human Right Seminar on Saturday, 8.30am till 5pm. Oopss.. Japanese class from 9.30am till 11am. Then study my Thai a little bit. Sunday, might be off for hiking in the morning. I need a tan! Oh yeah, Thai typing assignments! I am dead!

Pintu Rindu

Telah ku daki puncak tertinggi

Telah ku turun lembah dan gurun

Tidak ku temu mana pintu Mu

Untuk ku seru rasa rindu ku

Telah ku daki puncak tertinggi

Telah ku turun lembah dan gurun

Sungguhku buta dalam cahaya

Sungguhku lupa tika bahagia

Sedang Kau dekat bukan di mata

Sentuh Mu erat di pinggir jiwa

Sedang Kau dekat di pinggir jiwa

Biarkan air mata melimpah

Biarkan luluh cinta tercurah

Segala kasih rindu tertumpah

Seluruh hati aku berserah

Ku tunggu waktu bila bertemu

Hidup matiku hanya untuk Mu

This is the lyric of Dato’ Siti Nurhaliza latest song called Pintu Rindu from her new spiritual album, Tahajjud Cinta. Well, of course I am a big fan of her but this song is really touches my heart to the deepest. The words are simple but yet very much meaningful. It tells that no matter how far we go, or how well we did, always remember that Allah is very close in our heart. Therefore, kita harus selalu memuji, berzikir, beribadat pada Nya demi untuk mendapat keredhaan daripada Nya. (I do not know how to translate this sentence to English, sorry)